A Big Project...

I can feel the winds of freedom brushing past my invisible wings. Doing things without worries and guilt is really a good feeling.

I thought I would have more time literally doing nothing, but I was wrong. On my way back to after a wonderful dinner, I realized that I just got myself into a Big Project! A Big Project of Small Little Things.

When I know I am free, when people ask for help, I will offer my time more freely. They are not big favors, just little ones like getting a loaf of bread from a nearby supermarket.

When I know I am free, I will go around doing new things or engage in activities I always wanted to do. Small little things like going out with friends to have coffee or attempting or rather failing to make prata at my home kitchen.

Before I knew it, all these Small Little Things became A Big Project, and again, time is a luxury I no longer have; maybe I never had it in the first place.

Someone once told me that the direction that I used to heading in my journey to find happiness and a meaningful life is not the only direction I can go head, because there is joy in doing nothing as well. There must be wisdom in the "joy in doing nothing" but I am not wise enough to comprehend the deeper interpretations yet.

I have found happiness and fulfillment in the direction I headed, so now I am turning back and try to find and experience a different path. This path is more difficult then the previous, but at least I feel that I am making good progress.

I always like good challenges, but then if I keep this "hobby" up, then it is hard to find the "joy of doing nothing". Okay, my journey has just gotten more difficult. XD

Night...

I used to be so busy that I hardly had anytime to sleep. But now even without any responsibilities other then studying, I am still not getting enough sleep. So I thought about it on my way to lecture with Jit Vern (yes, I can talk to people and think about my own things at the same time) and I believe I found the answer.

I am not really sure if there are other sharing the same mentality as me, but I am actually having difficulties letting go of a wonderful and beautiful day. When things are all nice and pleasant, I just want to hold on to them. So I always have the tendency to stay awake, because the moment I sleep, the day would have ended and I will wake up in a new day.

There are many things I want to do, but even now when I actually have free time, there are still many things that I am unable to do, because there are just TOO MANY things I want to do! Greed is a good word to describe me I guess.

So will I let go of today and sleep early? I am not sure. But nevertheless, I know the next day I wake up to, will just be another wonderful day. =D